Alphabets

Hello 2008

Thank you everyone for your messages. Trust and hope everyone had a great start to the New Year. Here at the bird-flower household, celebrations were simple and quiet(ish).  The scrabble game took place at 10pm and ended at 1145pm and the board was just locked so tight it was insane. Alongside words like 'son' , 'burp' and 'zoo' were 'hike' and 'money'.  I didnt think that imposing rule of things to happen in 2008 would raise the game but it did.  We agreed not to score in the end and declared a win for us both. Huzzah.

Exhibition at the National Museum was excellent.  Its amazing how Singers has got its act together enought to i) construct a museum at par with the rated museums in the world ii) managed to get the Louvre to loan them the exhibits. For those in Singers: RA says:  Must see.

Didnt see any films. Nothing of interest at the cinema.

Did however join the evil facebook (muahaha) and probably spent too many hours trying to work on the page and figuring things out.  Dang.

Also started on new diaries and notebooks and started on lists of things to do (like the anally retentive person that I am).  High on the list:-

1. To cultivate yummy mummy look
2. To start on that journo that have been hammering on about
3. To commence reading books on bringing up bubba and deprioritise normal TBR list
4. Prolong this post consumption mood am currently in.

Huzzah.

a cow in any other name still sounds the same

i met one of the most obnoxious persons i have ever met  a couple of hours ago. dr evil, for that could easily be her name, is married to a man who supplies a certain type of product to SFM's employer. SFM thought he was a rather nice bloke and they made plans to have dins together with their spouses in a bistro in hartamas.  a work colleague of husband of evil also showed up so it was a merry group of 5.

she came, she sat and she didnt stop mooing. top on her conversation list was her 4 year old half husky puppy (now tell me who would have half or all husky in this tropical weather?!) , her sprituality, whether the salmon in the bistro would be as fresh as it was the last time she was there, her doctorate in marketing and how she used to be a high flying corporate with an american bank until she got married.

her husband, mr poor judge of character (PJoC) looked adoringly at her the whole time, informing us that dr evil did indeed have a doctorate, was a high flying corporate with an american bank until she got married and chose the life of a wife who shops.

we had our meal. afterwards she ordered the waitron to pack a doggie bag consisting of bones for 'girl' (poor dog, which self-respecting puppy is called girl, honestly) and made a big hoo moo ha about it. up till that point, she was annoying but generally harmless.

then she got horribly ugly. "my dog is so lucky, she lives so well. her life is much better than any banglas who cannot afford even a bone".  the silent work colleague (SWC) of mrPJoC asked rather innocently: "what is bangla?" . dr evil retorts, "its those bangladeshi workers who come into our country and mess the whole place up. they dirty the park near our place, hanging around there. making a nuisance of themselves in this area, why cant they stick to their construction site if not country blah blah blah".  i interjected and said surely, they would have stayed behind in their country if they didnt need the money and work, wondering all the while whether she was just taking the piss.  then she started on about the workers from myanmar who ate dogs and cats, how awful and smelly they were, how they spit all over the place and throw rubbish around her country. i pointed out to her that there were smelly locals too who spat around towm and threw their rubbish around (why just the other day...)  she argued then that well, so what if they do. its their country, if the citizens of the country wanted to spit or throw their garbage on the streets they were more than entitled to since it was their land. 

if this wasnt bad enough, she then let out her KILLER sentence.

She says: well if the locals want to spit and throw their garbage a round they are entitled to, this is their country after all. i hate those immigrants who come here. they pollute and dirty the country. they get in my way. when i go to KLCC, i want to see nice things and shop, i dont want to smell them nor see them.  why is it that in dubai, they manage to keep their workers out from the public places and we cant.

SFM couldnt believe his ears and joined in the fray. (he is still in shock and trauma at having listened to dr evil for as long as he did).

i proposed then that perhaps this conversation is better discussed between her and her spiritual adviser (heh ) and that we should agree to disagree.  she huffed and puffed that this had nothing to do with her religion, she was highly spiritual and connected to God.

by this time, of course, i had disengaged, memorised everything she said earlier so i could blog about it; and used my special witch powers to cast a spell on dr evil (american universities obviously dish out their phds to almost anyone) -

may she see the error of her way and eat her words one day.

amen.

ps: picture is courtesy of j farley  sorry i had to steal it off the web.

the law of attraction

my hairdresser of many years, maestro snipper and i were discussing the law of attraction last week i.e. good positive people attract other good positive people and good positive events into their lives.   she was telling me about a dvd she likes call 'the secret' in which number of people (ranging from philospher-author-visionary-preacher) talk about how positive thoughts have a way of spreading positive energy around which then results in positive events rebounding. (conversely bad events follow negative thoughts et al). i told her that i had always believed in this and that my history for example has shown me that each time i adopted a positive and optimistic approach to life (and practice + auto-visualisation), things would work out smoothly and  in those periods when i moped and entertained dark thoughts, negative events would  happen to me (e.g i would break my ankle, get into car accidents, get robbed by columbian bandits etc).

of course, when things are going ok it is quite easy to visualise/imagine successful moments and stay focused on the goals to be achieved. it is not that easy to picture  happy endings (and i dont mean in the malaysian masseuse context) when one is stuck in the pit of depression or tripping over black clouds. so how does one keep feeling up?

maestro snipper insists that all these answers are contained within 'the secret'. following our discussion, she pressed the dvd into my hand and insisted that i watch it. (and then texted me daily to check if i had.) today out of embarrasment of saying no not yet for the 7th day, i decided to give it ago.

wow.  you got to give it to them, these "motivational speakers" have come along way from just speaking on tapes to producing dramatic sequence on film. all that thunder and graphics. the whispers and echos. it is all together a new level of cheese.

cheese (and happy clappyness ) aside, i do feel that there was a message somewhere amongst the dramatics to be distilled: positive thoughts + visualisation do have an impact on one one's  karma and well being.  focusing on plusses have a way of attracting more plusses into ones life. on this the speakers were preaching to the converted.

and bless maestro snipper. there are some ideas on how to keep feeling + when one is in the dumps. 1. gratitude i.e.  count one's blessings  and realise that there is lots to be happy and grateful for. 2. think and focus on happy thoughts, moments and events.

they may have an idea there. i do know that everytime i think about things i am grateful for, am filled with peace; each time i close my eyes and imagine images that crack me up or fill me with joy, i feel a sudden gust of hope well up within me.

so now if i concentrate on the pictures below , i will be reminded of a funny happy moment at bruce and desmore's residence in vic falls and  i can get on to visualising SFM, Azuredec and I running a highly successful eco travel outfit in zim. huzzah!

work in progress

After our recent trip to Knysna, SFM and I had agreed that upon our return, we would affect some changes to increase our quality of life: we would not stress ourselves too much with work; spend less time in the office; and more time doing the things we like such as walking (him cycling), gardening, socialising and travelling.

Unfortunately, doing is never as easy as saying.  This week, we've both been holed up till 2100hrs at the office and feeling really really wound up by events in the workplace.  As a result, we've been really grumpy tired jack and jane . [ jane's  dark mood was further compounded by her inability to breath and the constant interuption of strong sneezes that felt like it was blowing her throat and face apart. ]

Last night, we almost tore into each others throat in the car as we drove home over an insignificant matter. And as we approached home, not talking to each other - I thought: Gosh, how quickly distance sets in  between us over something so silly and so small- how estranged we are in that moment, and what would it take to bring us back to our normal position?

We got home. He suggested a walk around the hill.  I agreed, forcing myself to reach out for the olive branch (I was still feeling grr).  10minutes later as we started our 4km trek in the cool evening air, surrounded by trees and the sounds of the birds, we felt ourselves unwinding.

Gradually, conversation crept back. 'Look at that tree- how funny the shape is - like a slingshot'. 'And where are the monkeys - do you suppose they're having their supper now whilst watching telly'. Some jokes, some laughter. Comfortable stillness returned where seething silence once was.

We got back to our normal position - after some effort by us both.

Relationship is always work in progress.

2007 resolutions

pix of my hand by Azuredec using Inspector Blanchflower's camera

I love lists and resolutions. (yes, yes i know its an AR pecularity).  Inspired by Ganching's booklist and Incognito's  2007 resolutions I have decided to come up with my own list for the year.  Last year, I decided to give it a miss so to give myself a break and to just go with the flow. haha and boy did i go wid da flow or wot?!

so here is my 7 to-dos for 2007:-

1. try to complete the guardian quick crossword every week;

2. get started on the scrap book ( and use all those scrap material purchased in 2004);

3. update blog 3x week with pictures;

4. read 2 books a month and maintain a list of books read;

5. go for walks 4x a week ( and use  the damn pedometre purchased in 2004);

6. pick up a new sport/revive and old one (golf, squash, tennis);

7. breathe slowly and savour the moment  cf thinking of next moment or tomorrow.

waterchessnuts in coconut milk

Last week, I had a blearghy moment. Not one of those ordinary errrgh times but a real deep down inner gut wrenching blearghy mo-ment. where no-thing seems nor feel right.

have not managed to unpack (with self or sunflowerman who unfortunately had to deal with listless me) fully. but i suspect my blearghy feeling originates from too many hours sitting in front of the computer working on urgent paper; lack of exercise, fresh air and the outdoors; missing tonto's wicked humour and sense of fun self disappearing within .....

so in an attempt to rev things up i have decided to quit being a legal beagle and start my own youth hostel project and art cinema being miserable and embark on new exciting projects. er.. such as revamping this blog again and getting rid of that small font that was so irritating me on the banner of alphabets. (i tried to change as opposed to deleting the font but it was proving to be too difficult so its gone, gone gone completely now).

i have also decided to make the most:-

• out of my green fingers and try to turn the little patch of grass outside our home into a botanical garden; and
• of my being malaysian (i.e. nation obsessed with breakfasts, elevenses, lunches, teas, dinners and suppers) and start a foodblog.

watch this space.

ps: surely this will be fun..?

the tiffin carrier

have been carrying alot of ideas and issues in my head in the past week  - on how i can get some excitement in my  a life.

the way i see it - i lack energy to do much, let alone deriving itsy bit of excitement at the moment because am constantly in state of exhaustion and or running around. so here's another round of resolve and resolutions for the coming weeks/months:-

4. to impose self discipline and leave the dang workplace by 7pm every evening;

5. sign up for yoga so can destress (have checked on classes but they all seem to end quite early in the evening. must continue to look for  lessons).

6. to swim every evening (ahuh), difficult but it has to be done, surely this lack of exercise and endorphines is not good.

7. to get on wiv the book have been reading past 6months. (how sad is that?!)

8. to make somefink with my hands and maybe even toes.

9. to get enough snooze time.

good night!

ps: woohoo. my block leave (all 9 days of it!) has been approved.  yahoo capetown and zambezi here i come! (in april/may)

rim on rigour

not doing too badly this week  (yes, i know its only monday, wink)

managed to turn in at 11.20pm sunday night AND wake up at the crack of dawn..

to go the gym with azuredec.

didnt do much more than walking up the hill (gradient 7.5) and balance a few of those arm weights but hey - this is certainly progress!

exercise + rara avis = duracel charged hyperbunny

one could get used to these endorphines!

marvellous may

and so the pain from the diapragm has abated, thanks to some strong stuff from the specialist. however other pain reemerged - back creaks and corresponding trapped nerve pinches mercilessly- as a result of prolonged horizontal position and lack of strenuous aerobic activity.

i am starting to feel like an old car in need of an overhaul. its not just the oil that needs a-changing, the engine needs to be replaced too.

have decided that its a case of mind over matter.  i need to adopt a healthier lifestyle and start thinking + again.

thankfully this wont be so hard because i am aided by the appreance of a new month - MAY. and the 1st of the month falls on a sunday, beginning of a new week.  oooooh, its a sign!

as one who love new beginnings let me go around saying, hurrah!

xxx

an audit of april reveals - too much activity, not enough sports , too scarce a time at the sanctuary and hardly enough reflection/meditation.

(another may, 2000 P.Dolph + R.Avis)

and so the situation needs to be remedied. accordingly, this list junkie have drawn up the plan for may:-

1. in bed by 11pm (yes yes i know i say this all the time, but this time it true!);
2. so as to be able to rise at the crack of dawn each day not feeling like death;
3. to have some minutes to meditate and tend to the plants and then;
4. to go running or head for the gym;
5. so that am at the workplace in a defrosted mode (bright and cheerful instead of grr and sullen);
6. healthy lunch;
7. to leave the workplace at a decent hour (before it gets dark!);
8. so that i can step up on the swimming;
9. unless its squashing day (wed and fridays yahoo) then those days, i'll be running like a demon chasing after those rubber balls;
10. followed by another healthy meal.

there maybe no chillies, coffee, vino in this gel this month ( if all goes as planned) instead there will be lots of adrenalin and endorphines.

xxx

i also have other reasons to like May so much:-

1. Sof will be in town and azuradec and i are looking forward to catching up with her and perhaps;
2. The Goddess will join us too; also
3. Sunflower man will be in town for a visit.

xxx

Sunflower man and i have a wager. if i should ever beat him in squash, i will be taken for a holiday of a lifetime. it is my fervent wish that my obsession with the game will peak by end of may so that when the time comes, i will play like a demon on fire and put my name on a ticket plus plus. heh i have to admit its not so much the holiday, but its the competitive streak in me that wants wants wants to beat him, the best squash player around.

xxx

so thinking ahead and being positive i am already compiling a list of holidays of a lifetime:

i fancy kilimanjaro;

or maybe the trans-siberian railway;

or what about the wilds of patagonia;

or a trip to the fjords;

or...

xxx

So much to look forward to, places to go, people to meet, squash games to win!

i declare the month of may to be marvellous. So there!

HAPPY LABOUR DAY everyone. workers of the world unite!

its a new year!

  I am one of those people who love a new start to anything. the new week, the new month, the new season and of course the mothers of all new dates - the new year.  I am well aware that the calendar is a human invention and that it is all really artificial. however,  there is just something about the new year that really makes me hopeful and happy -perhaps because it marks, in my mind, a beginning of sorts: a fresh chapter, a novel passage, a start of a new adventure.

Because of this, I am very particular with how i usher the new year. despite my consistent efforts to try to train/trick my brains otherwise, i cant help believing that how i greet the NY will determine the mood and tone for the rest of the year. and funnily enough the powers of self-phrophecy reveals itself to me annually.

take for example, last year. on the eve of 04,  i hosted a manic party in a penthouse apartment (which i had the good fortune to house sit for a friend) that overlooked the petronas twin towers. at midnight we all climbed to the roof (despite my fear of heights) to watch magnificent fireworks explode against the KL skyline, drank bucketloads of champers and boogied till dawn to dodgy 80s music.  it was fun. however, it was also frenzied, because  at noon 01.01.04  the movers were showing up to transport my entire belongings to the apartment i was shifting to and i had not only not packed any of my stuff but the penthouse was also a mess and needed to be cleaned thoroughly before i vacated it.

it was at that time that i learned that there is nothing so stressful like moving house with a bad hangover. thankfully, with the help of my trusted friends, tonto and Stef, i not only managed to get everything organised in boxes for the lorry man to transport but also managed to hand over the keys to a happy chappy.  although it all went well, that manic-ness more or less symbolised the year i had. it was FUN and it was jam packed with ALOT of FRENETIC activities, NUMEROUS house MOVES and multitude CHAOTIC moments.

mindful of this, and in the mood of some peaceful and quiet-ish year ahead after the mad activities of last year,  this year, i made sure that the ushering occasion of 05 was calm and placid. new year eve afternoon, i was out with some good gurlies for tapas and vino and we had a lovely time reviewing the year thats been and discussing the year to come.  late afternoon,  good gal pal and i talked about our life dreams and plans over a bottle of vino. and in the evening, i went to s & i 's place for more vino & supper and lounged about on thai cushions scattered on their candlelit deck that overlooked the jungle. they had artfully shone green spotlights onto the surrounding giant trees and this exuded a lovely glow on the leaves. and i must admit that though the conversation was good, i spent a large proportion of the time drifting in and out of the 'talk'. lying back with my face half hidden i was able to stare into the night; look at the stars; and listen intently to the background sounds around us - the calls of the mating frogs and the busy crickets rubbing their spindly legs.

xx

i thought alot about the year thats been. 04 was the year of courage - the year where i regained my footing and re-established my confidence after the preceding year of squabbles, separation and sadness. in 04, i managed to find the energy and will to file for the divorce and go through with it; wrestled with my fear of being tied and purchased an apartment; travelled on my own in a new continent without any money nor credit card for 3.5 weeks; fought my fear of heights and scaled parts of the andes to make real one of my life's missions - to complete the inca trail and see the ruins in macchu picchu. in that year i also went rafting and canoeing on the zambezi despite my being nervousness of water.  and the best thing in all of these is that - despite the fear i felt before embarking on each activity,  i always got through ok and consistently enjoyed every minute of it, even the challenging and nerve-wrecking moments. for example, i felt relieved and free after the divorce, secure and stable when i moved into my own place, confident and sure in the goodness of others after the dosh and credit card-less  expedition, triumphant and awestruck at macchu picchu and exhilarated and happy post the rapids in victoria falls.

they say: courage is not freedom from fear, it is being afraid and carrying on. and so, i feel emboldened to say that 2004 was on overall, a positive and courageous year for me.  farewell 2004 - i will remember you!

xx

and what will 05 bring?

i am not sure what is in store but i have been thinking about it. about what i'd like it to be. i want 05 to be a year of action and this is why:

when i was rafting at vic falls - i fell off the raft in rapid number 2 and was very confused and frightened. one moment i was on the raft with the others, the next i was in mid-air alone and before i knew what had happened, i was in the water right in the middle of the rapids.  i felt my helmeted head bobbing up and down madly and i felt myself submerging despite the life vest. i was also moving very fast  - carried by the current . i really had to work hard to steer my body in such a way, to avoid slamming into the rocks on the left and right.  i panicked.  then, i remembered what the guide had said earlier: "whatever it is, when you fall in the water, stay calm and orientate yourself. ride the waves and steer your body away from the rocks and look out for the kayak rescuers or the rope that we throw out at you. and swim when you reach calmer waters." and so, right there and then, i gave myself a pep talk, calmed myself down and did exactly what was required and amazingly, without much ado, i was soon able to reach out for a kayak and was on the raft in no time (to face the next rapid).

i thought of this episode long and hard. it struck a chord in me because i felt that experience of being in the water at rapid no2 so resembled the past 3 years of life.  since 2002,  i have been in the rapids and have been busy splashing around to avoid the rocks and keep my head above water. and during this time, although i have managed to guide my body away from danger and stayed afloat, i have not at any stage i dont think, consciously orientated myself nor reached out for the rescue ropes that have been thrown at my direction.  i realise too that in my panic, i have on occasions missed the kayak rescuers that came within my reach. and thus, although i am generally unharmed and afloat, i am nonethless wet and directionless, moving in accordance with the tide.  whereas what i really need and ought to do is to get back on the raft to surf the tide or be on dry land and enjoy the view.

well, what can i say save that its time for a change. and so the plan for 2005 is for me to:-

1. stop struggling and expending energy in kicking and spluttering;
2. instead calm down and orientate self;
3. let the current take me for the ride; but
4. consciously steer my body away from danger;
5. look around for the rescue ropes of oppurtunities and leads;
6. actively pursue them and tie until secure;
7. hoist self on to raft and surf; or
8. head for dry land and watch the view; all the whilst
9. not to forget to enjoy the ride.

xx

welcome 2005: the year of action! and happy new year to one and all.

may the year be a happy and peaceful one for us all,  wherever we maybe!

xx