I am one of those people who love a new start to anything. the new week, the new month, the new season and of course the mothers of all new dates - the new year. I am well aware that the calendar is a human invention and that it is all really artificial. however, there is just something about the new year that really makes me hopeful and happy -perhaps because it marks, in my mind, a beginning of sorts: a fresh chapter, a novel passage, a start of a new adventure.
Because of this, I am very particular with how i usher the new year. despite my consistent efforts to try to train/trick my brains otherwise, i cant help believing that how i greet the NY will determine the mood and tone for the rest of the year. and funnily enough the powers of self-phrophecy reveals itself to me annually.
take for example, last year. on the eve of 04, i hosted a manic party in a penthouse apartment (which i had the good fortune to house sit for a friend) that overlooked the petronas twin towers. at midnight we all climbed to the roof (despite my fear of heights) to watch magnificent fireworks explode against the KL skyline, drank bucketloads of champers and boogied till dawn to dodgy 80s music. it was fun. however, it was also frenzied, because at noon 01.01.04 the movers were showing up to transport my entire belongings to the apartment i was shifting to and i had not only not packed any of my stuff but the penthouse was also a mess and needed to be cleaned thoroughly before i vacated it.
it was at that time that i learned that there is nothing so stressful like moving house with a bad hangover. thankfully, with the help of my trusted friends, tonto and Stef, i not only managed to get everything organised in boxes for the lorry man to transport but also managed to hand over the keys to a happy chappy. although it all went well, that manic-ness more or less symbolised the year i had. it was FUN and it was jam packed with ALOT of FRENETIC activities, NUMEROUS house MOVES and multitude CHAOTIC moments.
mindful of this, and in the mood of some peaceful and quiet-ish year ahead after the mad activities of last year, this year, i made sure that the ushering occasion of 05 was calm and placid. new year eve afternoon, i was out with some good gurlies for tapas and vino and we had a lovely time reviewing the year thats been and discussing the year to come. late afternoon, good gal pal and i talked about our life dreams and plans over a bottle of vino. and in the evening, i went to s & i 's place for more vino & supper and lounged about on thai cushions scattered on their candlelit deck that overlooked the jungle. they had artfully shone green spotlights onto the surrounding giant trees and this exuded a lovely glow on
the leaves. and i must admit that though the conversation was good, i spent a large proportion of the time drifting in
and out of the 'talk'. lying back with my face half hidden i was able to stare into the night; look at the stars; and listen intently to the background sounds around us - the calls of the mating frogs and the busy crickets rubbing their spindly legs.
xx
i thought alot about the year thats been. 04 was the year of courage - the year where i regained my footing and re-established my confidence after the preceding year of squabbles, separation and sadness. in 04, i managed to find the energy and will to file for the divorce and go through with it; wrestled with my fear of being tied and purchased an apartment; travelled on my own in a new continent without any money nor credit card for 3.5 weeks; fought my fear of heights and scaled parts of the andes to make real one of my life's missions - to complete the inca trail and see the ruins in macchu picchu. in that year i also went rafting and canoeing on the zambezi despite my being nervousness of water. and the best thing in all of these is that - despite the fear i felt before embarking on each activity, i always got through ok and consistently enjoyed every minute of it, even the challenging and nerve-wrecking moments. for example, i felt relieved and free after the divorce, secure and stable when i moved into my own place, confident and sure in the goodness of others after the dosh and credit card-less expedition, triumphant and awestruck at macchu picchu and exhilarated and happy post the rapids in victoria falls.
they say: courage is not freedom from fear, it is being afraid and carrying on. and so, i feel emboldened to say that 2004 was on overall, a positive and courageous year for me. farewell 2004 - i will remember you!
xx
and what will 05 bring?
i am not sure what is in store but i have been thinking about it. about what i'd like it to be. i want 05 to be a year of action and this is why:
when i was rafting at vic falls - i fell off the raft in rapid number 2 and was very confused and frightened. one moment i was on the raft with the others, the next i was in mid-air alone and before i knew what had happened, i was in the water right in the middle of the rapids. i felt my
helmeted head bobbing up and down madly and i felt myself submerging despite the life vest. i was also moving very fast
- carried by the current . i really had to work hard to steer my body in such a way, to avoid slamming into the rocks on the left and right. i panicked. then, i remembered what the guide had said earlier: "whatever it is, when you fall in the water, stay calm and orientate yourself. ride the waves and steer your body away from the rocks and look out for the kayak rescuers or the rope that we throw out at you. and swim when you reach calmer waters." and so, right there and then, i gave myself a pep talk, calmed myself down and did exactly what was required and amazingly, without much ado, i was soon able to reach out for a kayak and was on the raft in no time (to face the next rapid).
i thought of this episode long and hard. it struck a chord in me because i felt that experience of being in the water at rapid no2 so resembled the past 3 years of life. since 2002, i have been in the rapids and have been busy splashing around to avoid the rocks and keep my head above water. and during this time, although i have managed to guide my body away from danger and stayed afloat, i have not at any stage i dont think, consciously orientated myself nor reached out for the rescue ropes that have been thrown at my direction. i realise too that in my panic, i have on occasions missed the kayak rescuers that came within my reach. and thus, although i am generally unharmed and afloat, i am nonethless wet and directionless, moving in accordance with the tide. whereas what i really need and ought to do is to get back on the raft to surf the tide or be on dry land and enjoy the view.
well, what can i say save that its time for a change. and so the plan for 2005 is for me to:-
- stop struggling and expending energy in kicking and spluttering;
- instead calm down and orientate self;
- let the current take me for the ride; but
- consciously steer my body away from danger;

- look around for the rescue ropes of oppurtunities and leads;
- actively pursue them and tie until secure;
- hoist self on to raft and surf; or
- head for dry land and watch the view; all the whilst
- not to forget to enjoy the ride.
xx
welcome 2005: the year of action! and happy new year to one and all.
may the year be a happy and peaceful one for us all, wherever we maybe!
xx
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