Malaysian broadsheet - the New Straits Times reports today that 'Awie' local superstar has fessed up to having a second wife since last year. and that he did not understand why his first wife had to give up their 8 year marriage upon discovering the news. He said, he shouldnt be blamed for wrecking his (first) marriage as he was only legitimising the relationship between him and the third party. he didnt want to sin. he also said that it wasnt his fault that he ended up with two wives, after all it was 'jodoh', i.e. his fate.
Its not just the local stars that do this. I know a number of friends whose husbands are carrying on with their lovers clandestinely and when caught red handed, sulk, insist, no, demand that their wives understand their need to have another. after all they say, the religion and the law allows them to do so, why not you. i dont know how it happened. i did not go out looking for it. it was fate. it was meant to be.
i am struck by how they all say THE SAME THINGS. Do they subscribe to an online club where spurious lines like these are emailed out furiously by the committee to all members to use in their arguments with their spouses? How funny is that - in la malaysie, these second wife justifications are fast becoming cliches, just like those old break up lines we know so well, "its not you, its me darling".
Amazing too is how the scorned wife will HATE, DESPISE, ABHOR the girlfriend/ second wife and continue to LOVE, ADORE, WORSHIP the philandering husband. Its not his fault that he strayed, it is her fault, that seductive temptress with her legs wide opened. She's probably offering him anal. What could a man do but to succumb to these offerings. Never mind that he had to be out there, standing tall, actively gyrating in that extra-marital dance of theirs.
And so she puts up with him, persuades him to drop the other and remain with her and their kids. The children need their father 24-7 and I need you too honey, she pleads. He says, nothing needs to change, my love. In fact things can be better if you allow it to be. At the moment, I am infused with guilt for the illicit meetings and my thoughts are divided between you and the famile. But by marrying her, my conscience will be salved and my thoughts will be focused on you and the kids (when I am with you). You and the kiddies will be happier for it, sweetie, its a win-win situation.
Its the exceptional woman that kicks him in the goolies and his butt out the door. So congratulations to Arni for giving her husband the boot.
Polygamy laws do a wonderful job of removing accountabilty and sensibility from a man. Why shouldnt/wouldnt a man make the most of what society and the law giveth him. Why cant he have his cake and eat it too.
Imagine if these men were not able to wed the third parties. They would have to employ their senses and choose one over the other.
One life for another.
The spouse and the kids or the girlfriend.
The domestic hearth or the freedom of singleton with new partner (hah show me a man who marries his mistress straight after going through a divorce*).
At least once the choice is made, the scorned party (whichever it may be) is able to lick her wounds, heal and get wiv the programme.
the man learns the costs of his flagrant delicto and lives with his choices.
then happy or not, he gets to lie on the bed that he's made.
tis all fair then.
* Jimmy Goldsmith did have a point when he said, when a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy.
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