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time flies when youre having fun

well and truly married

thanks everyone for their wishes be it comments, emails or text messages.  and for all your help and support leading up to the big do(s)!

wedding no 3  successfully carried out on a sun shiny late afternoon at the garden of  chez  sunflower,  harare attended by small number of sunflower friends and azuredec and wedding no 4 (& party thereafter) began just after it rained on a late afternoon in the middle of an island on the zambezi river, vic falls and lasted till 3am the following day.

we're truly, madly, deeply married. huzzah.

the wedding

The wedding party took place on Sunday  night.

SFM and I truly enjoyed ourselves and we would like to believe that our guests did too.

Azuredec and Pups did a fine job of emceeing and they together with nan came up with a wonderful slide show of  'our story'. The folks were the hosts with the mostess and gave a funny speech towards the end.

SFM laughed when he saw the  wedding cake, as did MIL and friends who know us well.

It was a fun evening.

Picture of cake by tonto the trusty bridesmaid.

down memory lane

SFM and I first met in 1996. we were both post grad students in cambers intent on having as much fun one could possibly have. we met through a mutual friend  - E a cute bookish frenchman who was in my college (also my housemate) who also happened to be SFM's coursemate and one of his hangout buddies.

We were both mad on organising parties and  had do(s) at every possible oppurtunity.  One of the parties of his that I attended was such a riot.  The theme was Greek. I distinctively remember that the  people were super (*everyone* was dancing and throwing crockery on the floor) ,  the mousakka was delish and the Ouzo was so deadly that by the end of the party, it was not just  the plates that were smashed. 

He walked me back to my college at 3am and  we had a good chat on the way there.  I learned that he was quite the sportsperson, he found out that I was mad on films and of my moonlighting ways at the local art cinema.  We bade each other farewell outside my door and I thought that was it...

Until about 1 week later when I bumped into him at the cinema on a saturday when I was working. It was the B&W specials -  and Lawrence of Arabia was showing.  He was on his own so I suggested that he sit with Ma Avis (who was a visiting).  And proceeded to do my own thing.

Dr. Zhivago was on the next day. and funnily enough so was SFM.  who came to watch another B&W film. I thought this man was so serious about these films (noone but a film buff (like myself) would sacrifice a whole weekend to watch old nostalgic films at the local art cinema) that i  (the usher) made sure he sat alone so that he couldnt be distracted by the people around him.

Funnily enough, I didnt see him much after this. 

We kind of knew what the other was up to (through our friend E) and would see each other on occasions  - mutual friends' parties, outings that sort of thing. And in those times, we'd get along really well, tell each other we'd make an effort to meet up again but didnt actually follow up on it.

We both left Cambers in 97 and started  serious relationships (with others).  We both ended up in London  but probably saw each other 4-5times a year. However, we always knew what the other was up to (kind of) through our friend E and also my good mate J who became one of his closest friends.

I had heard that he was busy bee in London  - working hard and travelling the world for work from  South Africa to NYC.  He had heard that I was bohemian PhD student, living the Bloomsbury Life to the hilt. This (I suspect) he confirmed to be true when once he visited me in Russell Square and found me in crutches,  lounging in the middle of the garden  square  surrounded by books and bottles of vino, talking about nothing.

We met up now and again but our paths did not really cross again until April 2004.

a week on

Last week as i was running from one tailor (Mrs C who told me to keep my eyes wide opened) to another (eccentric ex boxer now tailor Uncle M in charge of SFM's baju melayu), I did wonder how I would feel like next week this time (i.e. now) as someone who is officially married.

I didnt want to carry baggage from the past but I have to admit, I did question whether the dynamics between us would change in any way as a result of the title/label.

Would we with the sign of a pen, shake of a hand (pa avis and him) and kiss of a forehead  increase our expectations of one another? Would the cultural overload be abit too much for SFM who is on his own in this country? I watched out for signs during the day and at night, checked to see whether he was sleeping ok - deep stable breaths or frequent toss and turns.

Relieved to report (and God, please let this be the case for us forever and ever more) that all is well.  We are slightly knackered from the hullabaloo and really knackered from work but apart from that, we are still us, the same as we were last week. 

pix by almixed nuts.

keep those eyes open

Just spoke to my tailor (a gruff abrupt lady in her 60s, kind heart but wicked on the needle) to tell her that i will be bringing some fabrics sometime soon - for her to work her magic fingers/machine on. 

she: what is it for? and how soon do you need it? how elaborate?

me: (clearing throat)  a wedding actually; one kind of soonish for the legal formalities, the other for later in the year;  the first one, something sweet and  simple and the other kind of dressed up but clean lines  - for the cultural ceremony.

her: ok ok. better come soon so we can start on it. i refused (sic) to be rush. now tell me - youre getting married again, right?

me: yes, you remembered.

her: well of course i do, i made your previous outfits! anyway, now, tell me young lady, have you got your eyes opened for this one? Is he a nice person? do your parents like him? dont just be blind.

me: yes, of course you did.  yes, my eyes are wide open, he is a nice person and my parents do like him.  we are all very happy and my parents are keen for us to tie the knot soon.

her: good good. now just continue to keep those eyes open until the wedding day. see you tomorrow. 1030am. bye

news to share

The rainforest music festival in Sentubong, Sarawak was a blast.

Mornings were spent breakfasting at leisure, swimming, trekking and walking. Afternoons were used for attending workshops and evenings were spent dancing to the concert.  great stuff.

xxx

On Saturday, 8th July, day before the SF man's bday and world cup final, SF man, 2 mates and I climbed up Mount Sentubong. The 2 mates were fit chappies - even though one of them was a chronic smoker- and looked as if they were walking on a picnic path whilst I was huffing, puffing and wheezing behind them. SF walked behind me making sure I wasnt keeling over at any stage (it was a hard climb, i'll let you know). After 2 hours the 2 chappies went ahead and left us behind...

Anyway, so after a perilous 4 hr climb, numerous vertical rope ladders and still another 5oometres  of hoisting oneself upwards, we (ahem or maybe me) decided that perhaps it was time to turn back so that we wouldnt miss any more of the workshops - in particular the one by the malaysian dhol federation.

It was a slow descend, me watching where i place my always-turning ankles and SF taking it easy, chit-chatting about the months that have been and the months to come of his being in la malaysie. It was cool, pleasant and lovely to be there under the shade of the rainforest in the middle of the day. We were sweaty, smelly and very happy.

xxx

SF man proposed then.

I accepted.

We are both very happy with the outcome and are talking about the when and where now.

_____________________________________________________________________

PS: We made it to the Malaysian Dhol Federation and learned how to Bhangra.  one of our mates gave us a tip which ensured our successful body movement.  the tip - to imagine stepping on a rocky stool with one hand changing a light bulb and the other holding on to a dog on a leash.

quality of life

must say that my quality of life has improved so tremendously since the sunflower man came into my life.  to think that once upon a time (not too long ago i might add) i thought my heart would never ever mend.  or that it would take ages to do so. when in fact it has more than done so (ok with some scarring), in less than a decade.   and that i am feeling positive and happy about this relationship and am crossing all digits, touching wood and praying v hard that this will be the case forever and ever more.

yes its been ages

yes, its been ages since i posted an entry. so much has been happening that i've not had the chance to do the things like exercising (what a bleargy excuse eh?),  reading (gandhi's been stuck in that indian prison for eons now) and blogging (my readership has also been a dwindling i noticed).
ah...

xxx

sunflower man is on these shores. its lovely to have him in the same city. and also a little weird.
in 1.5 weeks time, we would have seen each other in the longest uninterrupted time.  its wonderful to be sharing moments with him and to have these magical moments of us together turn into  memory -  stored in each others minds for eternity.  however its also quite scary to feel so exposed.  to be seen everyday - not to always be on top form, hot times  grrrumpy, humid times sneezy and tired times not so  entertaining.

i guess we're moving into the next phase.

xxx

tonto and i had one of those  excellent  snatch of a moment - where we managed to squeeze all of 5 important themes within 15minutes in her stationary air-conditioned car, parked just outside the guardhouse whilst 15 other car drove past curious as to why two gels would be sitting inside looking at each other with such strange expressions  at 11 oclock at night.

the 5 important themes for this evening

1. how we spend most of our waking hour at work (or fretting about work issues)
2. men - and how bastardly they are in not knowing how to appreciate you when you're there but then loves you  when you are not longer with them
3. how we wish selvanathan the soucerer (actually hes an engineer turned astrologer but i thought sourcerer rythm better with selvanathan and i do like words to rythm)
4. men and how bastardly they are for just existing (dont worry all well with sunflower man, men are bastards is  simply the perenial points that tonto and i reiterate every time we see each other)
5. how time reveals all (nevermind some most times -  too late)

xxx

a colleague at work was admiring the little clock  S had given me as xmas present (to remind me to get out of the office no doubt and to be mindful of time more so now that the sunflower man is in town).  i shrugged my shoulder and told the colleague (against the history of the present itself) and sigh. even with the clock, i am still late leaving and constantly rushing around.

to which he looks incredulous and says:  rara, its a clock, it tells time, it doesnt make time. 

xxx

its been ages since i've loved. 
have i said it already? the exposure -
its quite a daunting position to be in.

seeking shade from the burning sun

i have missed writing my blog. and readng the entries that others have so thoughtfully left behind.  things have just been ab-so-lutely manic that i have hardly had time to make myself a cuppa. seems like such an exaggeration but its true. all true.

achieved golden  goal(s) at work last week. we managed to obtain the much sought after permit to commence operations and were the first to do so amongst our contemporaries.   alot of hurrahs and cheer on one hand and yet a sense of anti climax on another level. all that gut busting efforts just to arrive earlier than others at the winning line. would i have done the same again? probably, its the competitive streak in me. which just goes to show (to me) that my energy is best devoted to a better good, something more tangible, benefitting the masses cf the moneyed. sigh...

xxx

the sunflower man was here at the busiest time there was.  there was a lot of circling around initially. him - in crutches (as had injured calf) feeling trapped within the scorching humid city with limited public transport,  and hardly seeing the person he had travelled afar to be with. me - overworked, adrenalin pumped soul, hormones all see-sawing, intent on winning the race at work and yet suffused with guilt for not being able to spend time with the sunflower. it was  a confusing; perplexing and upsetting situation to be in.

until thursdsay, when it all came to light.

xxx

we sat across each other. linen covered rectangle table  lit with candles between us and jungle sounds around. billowing chiffon, discreet service and delicious piquant food tantalising the tastebuds.

and in those surroundings, the tangy truth came out.

xxx

he said, he felt and she felt, she said. words. silence. and more words.

she was angry. he was calm. he preferred to have the emotions out in the open, on  their sleeves for each other to read. and used to wipe the air clean. she wanted them hidden, concealed and covered until rationalisation time. not now, not just now.

worried that the feelings would weigh down the sleeves into sullen angry fists.

xxx

but she neednt worry.

for how, despite her misgivings and sulkiness - the next morning, she felt fine. and glad to have had it out.

he was jovial. happy to have heard her words, thoughts and opinions. even though they werent all pleasant. she learned his prespective and take on the same matter without bearing the blame.

that day she learnt not all disagreements end up in angry confrontations after all. some have a way of making the other understand each other better and bringing them closer.

xxx

it was a lovely last few days before the sunfloweman had to return to blighty.  we didnt embark on any crazy episodes like caving with the bats in batu caves, nor canoeing with the hippos.

but we did spend time trying to complete a xword  ( not succeeding - damn that clue: (whisky) galore, 1, 4 starting with an A and ending with an O).

being with friends we both enjoy the company of - in fancy swish restos,

small bistros; and

and stalls set up under numerous giant trees, where the trunks stand solid alone and yet the roots intertwine at the base, leaves touching, resting, connecting with one another to provide a shade for those under from the heat of the tropical midday sun.

xxx

we went swimming, watched classical indian dance in a studio, trying to maximise time spent together.

and i guess, we spent  a large proportion of our time this time to getting to know each other in a different context than we have been used to - restful easy moments not. this time,  hurried, harried, stressful time.

and to find out that despite this, we would still like to be in each other's lives like those trees and their leaves, drawn towards the other, working together to provide shelter from the burning sun .