i cannot recall a time when i wasn't obsessed about films.
as a child, any talk of going to the pictures would have me rolling around the living room in hyper-mode and jumping on the sofa with excitement. a visit to the movies for me was, i surmised, akin to the accumulated feeling of the 40 thieves when they finally found Ali Baba's cave. each time i sat down in the dim lit cinema hall, and saw the heavy drapes parting, i would feel my pulse quicken and the greed welling up within me - a treasure chest was being unlocked to reveal wonderful images and sounds. i wanted to steal and stuff its contents into my pockets and bring them home.
once appropriated, i would be able to play and replay them at whim in the privacy of my mind, at my own time, just as the theives would count and recount their loot gleefully in the privacy of their den whenever the mood struck them (!)
this hunger for films and feeling of excitement has not dissipated , instead it has grown even more over time.
xx
as a uni student with flexible dossing time, i was able to feed the hunger. it helped that my student digs was a stone throw away from an independent cinema. and so i found myself spending less hours in the union and more time in the film amphitheatre. however dosh was an issue. it made perfect sense therefore to apply for work as an usher. safety and health laws dictates that all cinemas must have trained stewards in case of emergency. which meant that during all cinema showings, someone had to sit in and watch the film alongside the audience. imagine that - getting paid to watch a film! once i realise this, an application was made and i was watching films to my hearts content.

this was the point of no return.
i did this for 3 years and subsequent post grad years saw me stealing time to repeat the action. often i would cut back on other social so that i could take in more films. my dedication and willingness to be available at a moments notice resulted in my having a good relationship with the house managers and my getting top priority to catch films so desired. however, there were drawbacks to this scheme: holiday season when there were no other ushers, i had to watch the same film ad nauseaum.
action figures:
- record for same movie watched on big screen in a day: 5
- record for repeated viewing of a film: 15
unfortunately the film was not a cult reel, nor was it some mysterious film that needed repeated viewing for enhanced pleasure. it was the railway children
(1970 d. Lionel Jeffries). by the 3rd round, i wanted to scream "die this time, put me out of my misery" at poor Bobbie who was almost knocked by the train and was trying her best to be revived so that they could all have crumpet and lemonade for tea under the shade of a mulberry tree.
xx
no surprises therefore that when i moved to london in 97, one of the first things i did was to get a similar deal in an art house. this time i was (slightly) wiser. i chose a venue which offered different double bills daily thereby decreasing the chances of my having to watch a film twice. my time spent being glued to the screen was upped. on average, i was watching 15 films weekly which worked out to be 5-6 films per week on average 92-97 . i was happy.
this place was special. it was full of artists ranging from calligraphers, sculpters, poets to film makers:
- it was a hotbed of creative thoughts
- and ideas;
- it was mad;
- and (good) bad.
- it was home.
in that home where i spent 5 years, my obsession for films grew. i learned how to project films, the art of programming, ticketing
and selling films, running (there is a reason why runners
and gaffers are so called) sourcing reels and most of all appreciate the history, the progress and the diversity of film since its inception. Fred Ott's Sneeze (Record of a sneeze, 7 january 1894, edison) .
i worshipped the masters who made beautiful/touching/provoking films and hated self-indulging directors who wasted my time with bad story lines/performers/script. werent they aware of the oppurtunity cost - the (quality) films i could have watched during that time?
xx
perhaps it is this (and the art galleries, museums and friends) that i miss most about eng-er-land since my relocation here 2.5 years ago. in this land, there is a dearth of good films due to the lack of demand. the film staple diet is largely that of gratuitous violence or slap stick comedy. (fast and furious films to match the fast (poisonous) food the masses enjoy. instant gratification rules.)
film clubs fill the void inadequately for they are restricted by what they can show due to copyright laws and for lack of suitable venues. alternative screens are limited and even then strict censorship rules ensure the butchering of good films. post censor, a feature film becomes a short or even a documentary. instead of feeling fulfilled, one leaves the cinema frustrated and angry at the censors who are quite happy to have the nation watch films where massacres are de rigeur and tender kisses are offensive.
xx
my position until recently was that:
- i would rather not watch a movie than watch a mangled movie. as a result, i have missed out on many good films. my average is now (taken into totality since 1990) i suspect, 0.5 film per week.
- i would rather watch a film on big screen instead of viewing it on a tele.
however of late, the withdrawal symptoms have been particularly bad. i find myself pining for good (non Hollywood) films. i dream about juliette binoche in blue hues. i wonder now how long this fast can continue and whether i am cutting my beak to spite my face.
i am reconsidering my position. consequently, i am now:
- lurking at Golden Screen Cinemas and testing out the waters by catching most if not all of the films on offer at the 2004 european union film festival; and
- contemplating the purchase of a tele and dvd to enable self to view desired films on small screen even though possession of idiot box is contrary to general principles.
xx
THE MISSION
to assess whether:
- level of enjoyment of watching butchered films < pain of withdrawal symptoms of not watching films at all; and or
- level of enjoyment of watching films on small screen > pain of withdrawal symptoms of not watching films + shame of owning idiot box.
decision time:
action (if any) to be affected:
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